Poison Ivy to be Keynote Speaker at DNC

Dr. Pamela Liilian Isley, aka “Poison Ivy” has been named one of the key note speakers at this month’s Democratic National Convention. The former eco-terrorist, current Arkham resident was selected to speak on the 88th anniversary of women’s suffrage in the United States over dozens of more prominent women by a pro-Clinton Group, Colorado Women Count/Women Vote. It has also been announced that Hillary Clinton’s name will be placed into nomination at the convention, clarifying what “suspending” ones’ candidacy actually means.

Obama visited “Ivy” at Arkham last week and after a short meeting, Obama emerged smiling enigmatically and apparently intoxicated, Addressing the press, Obama proclaimed, "I am convinced that honoring Sen. Clinton's historic campaign in this way will help us celebrate this defining moment in our history and bring the party together in a strong, united fashion," It was like watching a sucker punch in slow motion.

To put the latest, perplexing events into some sort of skewed perspective, fellow Arkham resident, The Joker, offered his insane insight. “Ivy is a very clever girl, yes she is. Before Obama can even get to the podium, he’s going to be ensnared in so many vines of voter discontent, he’ll be lucky to get free by Labor Day. Ah, Ha, HAA, HAAAA!” The Joker noted that Dr. Isley was formerly a noted botanist that “grew some really good weed” before she was popped, but escaped a prison term by coping an insanity plea. “She played Obama like an oboe. Actually more like a bassoon with it's, deeper, richer tone. She’s smart enough to realize she needed to toke him up to take him down. What a rube! AH, HA, HAAA, HAA!”.

Another Arkham resident, Huggy Bear was shanked shortly before his interview but said from his hospital bed, “Word on the street is that Hillary and her loose cannon, Bill, are going to highjack the nomination and have hired an excess of evil to leave Obama for politically dead.” Reportedly a secret, villainous organization called PUMA (Purging Up More Anger) plans to “finish the job Jesse Jackson started” and attack during the convention.

In a press release, they stated: “There will be no unity in the Democratic party until the voices of the 18 million voters who support Hillary Clinton are heard and heeded. Until the voices of Pumas are once again listened to by the leadership of the Democratic party, we will be guided by that defiance. We will not be bullied, brainwashed, or bossed into falling in line.”

Al Gore is supposedly crushed by the outpouring of support for a person who lost the nomination. “There was no organized anarchy on my behalf when I won the freakjng election! I am depressed…” Meanwhile, McCain and his presumed running mate General Zod are content to sit back and let the Injustice League hand Obama his head. On vacation in the Phantom Zone, Zod said, “Personally, I’d like to make Obama kneel before Zod, yada, yada, yada. But, why should I do all the heavy lifting?”